Me to Tom regarding naive hope: That’s a unicorn. Kill that unicorn. It’s not a mockingbird, it’s not a sin to kill it… you don’t believe in that Harry Potter s#^% anyway!
While watching Return of the King last night…
Tom: I wonder what goes on in the Dead City.
Me: I heard it’s kind of a ghost town.
Tom: They’re not a very lively bunch.
Me: Whatever, my joke was better.
Charlotte gets this face like a sleepy little old man when we’re trying to burp her. Tom and I have begun to call her “little Norman” when she makes that face. Get it? Because Norman is an old man’s name? Ok, we’re not that funny.
Last night we got some pretty consistent sleep. Our brains are almost to normal again. We’re finally figuring out how to interpret Charlotte’s cries and how to calm her down. She has a favorite blanket, a favorite pacifier, doesn’t mind dirty diapers, prefers to have a pillow under her head to sleep, and sometimes likes to sleep in our bed next to us first thing in the morning. We’ve got her on a 3-hour feeding schedule. She hates baths and diaper changes. She makes the cutest faces when she’s pooping her diaper.
I spent a few hours writing in her baby book the other day. I spent an hour cleaning out and reorganizing my closet earlier today. We have all this time because we work together as a team. I enjoy the amount of help Tom provides. But he goes back to work next week and I’ll have three whole 12-hour days without any help all in a row. And I’ve agreed to do all the 4am feedings the mornings he has to work. That is a feeding at 4am, 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, and 7pm all by myself. All the diaper changes in between. And trying to calm her down all by myself. I’m particularly talented at calming her down, except when my beloved husband is trying to sleep in at 7am.
Next Monday and Tuesday, for that week and the week after, I go back to work. I have the rest of the week off to take care of the baby while Tom works. We’re looking into daycare centers (found a few affordable ones!) and it breaks my heart to think of someone else taking care of my sweet baby girl. A pain every working mother feels when she leaves her child for someone else to take care of. But my income is higher than the cost of daycare and we need it to pay our bills. I love her so much, it hurts physically to think of someone else cuddling her and calming her down. Thankfully, as Tom reminds me, it’s only two or three days per week and I’ll get to be with her during every lunch when he’s not at work.
I love this little girl so much more than I can explain. And I love Tom just as much. We’re getting a chance to play like we used to before we had to be careful of my tummy. We’re getting time to bond with our little girl and give our own relationship time to adjust to the changes a newborn brings. And while it hasn’t been an entirely smooth road, I’m sitting here listening to him singing to our daughter. He alternates between singing “Sober” by Tool, “Black” by Pearl Jam, “Real World” by Matchbox 20, and various Disney songs. Sigh. He’s ridiculous and I love him. Plus, Charlotte is sleeping in his arms, which is most important for our sanity.