Monthly Archives: December 2013

Prince Charming

I talk about my husband a fair amount on this blog. Since I became pregnant, it’s mostly been “he’s such a good partner” or “he’s so supportive.” Blah blah boring. I include little to no detail about his personality. And trust me, there’s a LOT of that to delve into.

For one, he’s started his own blog. It’s called The Stuff of Legends and it is 100% about the various editions of the Legend of Zelda video games. (You can find the link on this page under “Blogs I Follow”. He’s an excellent writer. I hate video games but I love reading his reviews.) He told me he was beginning this blog and I rolled my eyes and thought “Oh boy, more Zelda talk!” But, despite my complete lack of interest in Zelda, I usually at least half-listen when he begins discussing it and I very much enjoy reading his reviews.

Another thing I love about him is his love for me. I know, that’s a total cop-out. But this morning I woke up at about 5:30, 6:00am. I rolled over into his arms and we cuddled as much as we can with a huge stomach filled with amniotic fluid, placenta, and 2lb baby in it. He fell back asleep. At some point, he said to me “It’s ok. I’ll save you.” I was half-asleep myself and whined “save me from WHAT?” “From turning into pickles.” “What?” “Pixels.” “Babe, this isn’t Tron. I’m going to be alright.”

It didn’t occur to me at first, but it’s so sweet that he is so protective of me, even in his sleep. And he explained that his brain was fixated a little bit on the new Zelda Game where you can turn into paintings on the wall to navigate and it’s really pixelated. At first he said “pickles” but he meant “pixels.” And how freaking adorable is that? I know now I’ll never have to worry about becoming a weird painting on the wall. He won’t allow it. 🙂

And yet another thing I love about him is how much he loves his little girl. He talks to her through my tummy, he likes to talk about how he thinks she’ll look or act, he waits patiently for her to kick so he can feel it, he teases me about her, all kinds of stuff. He is such a warm, caring person. My boss has observed that he is so laid-back and confident in who he is, especially for someone his age. (He’s turning 25 this month. My boss is a little shy of 50.) Tom has a wonderful sense of humor and so many wonderful skills. Like, nobody parallel parks like this guy. And he’s really great at scrubbing showers. The best part is, he’s willing to scrub showers. Hahaha 🙂

People have always said to me “The first year of marriage is the hardest” or “marriage isn’t easy”. I’ve also heard “love is hard. You have to actively make the choice to do it every day.” I don’t really know about that. Loving him is the most effortless thing I’ve ever done. Our marriage has bumps. We have fights. Sometimes he’s a jerk. But I never have to put effort into being his wife. My feelings for him are ever-present and come with ease. He’s not a Prince Charming. He’s so much more. He’s my partner and he’s real.


The First-Time Mom Problem

This is yet another rant about the horrors of my birth board. I do believe, however, it is a valid rant.

There seems to be this disdain, bordering on hatred, for First-Time Moms (FTMs) from Been There, Done That (BTDT) moms on my birth board. Sometimes it’s as benign as saying “I hate getting advice from FTMs. They don’t know what they’re talking about. They think because they read a book or an article or talked to their OB that they know more about pregnancy than I do.” Ok, that’s fine. I find it annoying when people who’ve never been pregnant give me advice, too. I especially hate it when MEN give me advice. So I get that, I really do.

But today I just wanted to reach through the computer and strangle this self-righteous BTDT bitch. It was a thread begun about a lady another mom saw at her OB’s office who was bragging about not knowing who her baby daddy was. This lady (not the original poster) was also allegedly cussing up a storm in front of other people’s children. The self-righteous BTDT bitch was the first commenter. And she said, verbatim, “No doubt shes a FTM. She will be in for a rude awakening when the baby gets here. She has no idea how much her life is about to change.” (Spelling error is hers, not mine.)

Oh, so some woman who’s proud of not knowing who her baby daddy is and who cusses in front of kids MUST be a FTM??? Have you ever watched an episode of Maury? Or Springer? Have you read some of the atrocious grammar and spelling of some of these BTDT moms on this VERY BOARD? And the stories! Oh, the stories about getting accidentally pregnant for an Nth time because they still haven’t figured out how to practice safe sex! Or they cheated on their significant others and don’t know who the father of their Nth child is! My definition of what makes a suitable mom doesn’t include a woman who’s proud of sleeping around a lot, but to blame it on an entire category of women who have absolutely nothing to do with that is asinine. Some of the BTDT moms are a LOT nastier folks than the FTMs who are there for support, advice, and to just complain about being pregnant and having other people around them.

I don’t understand all the animosity towards FTMs. Anyone who has a baby or two or twenty or however many was a FTM at some point. So popping out more than one child suddenly makes you a superior human being? It makes you infallible or absolutely immune to the possibility of being trashy? I think not. While I may not know tricks to help a child sleep, and while I may struggle to breastfeed or change a diaper or potty train my child, I bet I’ll learn it the same way the BTDT moms did: experience. And when a FTM expresses some kind of concern or opinion or, Hell, complains about someone else’s parenting or offers advice to me on my second pregnancy (when I’ll be a BTDT mom, if we choose to have more children) I won’t dismiss the entire population of FTMs as being inferior people. As the first woman in my peer group to go through pregnancy, I imagine there will be a few questions from friends. Stuff like “is this normal?” to “what was your opinion on this issue?” I’m sure my friends will roll their eyes at me when my child acts out. I’ll just smile knowing that their child will probably misbehave just as much. Unless their child is a space creature. Like a Vulcan. Or a robot. Or a sociopath. But in any of those cases, they’ll face their own challenges. And while I probably won’t be able to relate to those, I’ll at least be sympathetic and not judge them from a high horse of having reproductive organs actually complete their biological function before theirs did.

The Stuff of Legends

Personal Musings and Objective Critique of The Legend Of Zelda.


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My Days in Focus

A photographic journal by Dan Miller

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