And the Waffle-ing Begins

This past week I’ve been having some emotional issues. While taking Tylenol for headaches or what-have-you, I kept thinking “Jeez, I feel so weepy/moody/angry. I wish I could take something to make that go away.” The mood stabilizer in my purse. Durrrr. I haven’t been not taking my medication. In fact, I never miss a dose. But it is getting a run for its money with all these crazies welling up inside my head. Around 11am every day, I kind of even out. I might have one or two spontaneous swings throughout the day, but I still feel like I’ve hit a brick wall.

Anyway, I did some more with my painting. I had to let the oil dry and I gave it a good week or so. I had painted very thick strokes, lots of paint, into one aspect of the image and then painted over it with a slightly lighter color. It gave it the perfect effect. Now, it doesn’t exactly look like I thought it would, but I don’t hate it. The problem is, what with my lack of ability to follow through on my ambitious ideas and these stupid moods, I have been struggling to keep it going. I am waffle-ing on it. Something I have become very, very, very good at. My job requires it. I’m not allowed to give legal advice or guarantee specific results to clients, so I’m forced to say things like “what will most likely happen at court is this, but I can’t say 100%.” Or, my favorite, “I can promise to give him the message but in no way can I promise a specific time when he will be able to call you back.”

Lately there’s been this one client who straight-up refuses to participate in his or her defense. I asked to make an appointment and this client, in an effort to not come to the office, said “Well, am I going to be arrested?” My boss was standing right there and overheard me say, in my diplomatic-but-you’re-pissing-me-off voice, “Why would you think you’re going to be arrested? There’s no bench warrant out for you and your case hasn’t even concluded yet.” The client gave me some pathetic excuse like he or she doesn’t know what’s going on in his or her case because he or she hasn’t spoken with the attorney in awhile. Um, then come to the dang appointment so he can talk to you. That’s kind of the point. To catch you up. Anyway, my boss gave me a thumbs-up for the attitude. That was nice.

A former client, my boss thinks he just hates women. Every time he calls, he refuses to give me any information. It’s always “can I talk to the lawyer?”
“He’s not available.”
“Well tell him I need to talk to him.”
“Alright, well can I tell him what you need to talk to him about?”
“Just tell him I need to talk to him.”
“Can you be more specific.”
“Just tell him I need to talk to him.”
(And this guy owes us $1,000. For over two years.)
But yeah, my boss thinks he hates women because of the way he treats me and treated all the previous legal assistants before me. So I get some liberty to throw attitude his way, too. Which is nice and cathartic for my moodiness.

It’s just been hard these last few weeks. And now we have some family stuff going on and I just don’t know how much more stress my brain can take. So, maybe I will finish the painting. Just to get it out of my system.

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About mrsalicia

I am a Paralegal at a small criminal defense and personal injury firm in my small town. I graduated from Western Washington University with a BA in Political Science and Philosophy. I have my Paralegal Certificate, as well. I write a blog in my spare time. I am married to a wonderful man and recently gave birth to a beautiful little girl. View all posts by mrsalicia

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