Yesterday afternoon I went to apologize to my boss for being weird lately. I’m adjusting to some major changes in my brain chemistry and it’s made me a little odd. (See previous post.) He said he had noticed some changes, only because he knows me. But then he told me I’ve been “more on top of things”. He said I’ve been doing really well at work.
Because I’d used the word “creepy” to describe myself, somehow we got on the subject of the way I use words like “creepy” and “crazy” to describe myself. He said he knew I was joking but to watch myself saying those things. He told me other people will use it against me, twist it into something bad and blame my mental illness for things outside their control. He was worried about me. He was referring to someone specific, but I can’t post that on the internet.
Not only was the ego-boost welcome, but the fact that my boss really cares, really knows me, and wants to look out for me was just humbling. There are boundaries, of course. I can tell certain things to my husband and to my family, who know me better than anyone, that I can’t tell a boss. But my he bothered to get to know me on a level I don’t think many other employers know their employees. He’s been so generous and supportive. He actively tries to boost my confidence. He’s taken an interest beyond the tasks he asks me to do throughout the day. He even gave me and Tom $300 for our wedding.
I feel incredibly lucky to have such an environment to work in. And lucky to have made a friend in my boss. It was the kind of sedative I needed to settle my brain. I have come into work today with no more fears weighing on my shoulders.