There are some things in this world that just cause one to think about oneself. One of them for me is gospel songs. None more so than Amazing Grace. It was my grandfather’s favorite song… I think. I think my mom told me that once. Anyway, I was sitting here with a cigarette in my hand and singing the three verses of it that I know. I was thinking about the family I have and what I’m like. I was thinking about how my grandfather would feel about me and what my life has become. I smoke. I lived with a man before marrying him. I swear a lot. A lot. And I haven’t been his little princess for years. He died 10 years ago.
And then I thought about how he loved me and about how the people in my life love me. I thought about how maybe he’s proud of me. I do believe he is in Heaven. I believe in God and I believe that, if God exists and heaven exists, then that’s where my grandfather is.
I thought about the things I like about myself. The things I love about my family. All the values that they built into me. And you know what? That’s a kind of amazing grace we all have in us. My family loves me exactly as I am. They love my husband, they love my friends, and they love each other. My mom prays for her enemies. And mine. My grandmother prays for every person she ever met every single night. And if it turns out that there’s nothing else out there, at least there was faith, hope, and compassion. There were values passed on. There was passion and heart and so, so much love.