Being alive in general means that one’s life is always in a state of flux. (There’s a word I don’t use much.) Lately my ups and downs have been extremely drastic. They’re usually a little to intense for the “normal” people out there, but they’re getting a little scary, even for me. And I’ve been living with them for (approximately) 9 years. This is not to say I or anyone else am in danger. But I’m beginning to wonder if I can cope.
I have mentioned my little illness before. Well, I requested that my doctor alter my meds a little. I’m beginning to think that was a mistake. But by altering it, we’re saving $840 a year. That’s more than Geico can save you with 15 minutes or less. Lame joke, I know. And it may seem trivial in comparison to mental health. But I’ve been on this kind of dosage before. It’s not that it wasn’t working, but I didn’t like it. And then I wanted to save the money, so here we are. I’m hoping this is just a readjustment period. If not, there’s a lot of money to lose.
But this post isn’t just me whining about my brain. This weekend, Mr. S and I might be going to visit friends, and then are going to Mr. S’s parents’ house to decorate the tree. We’ll spend the night and go to Mass the following Sunday. Then the Saturday after that, we’re going to decorate the tree with my family. That’s 4 trees this year, mind you.
I always feel guilty spending so much time with Mr. S’s family because I don’t get to see my own family as much. My mom says not to worry, she wants me to have a good relationship with my in-laws. But it breaks my heart. I love my family and if I got to spend that much time with them, then I wouldn’t feel guilty about spending it with Mr. S’s family. That’s why we’re splitting Christmas this year. A few hours the night of the 24th and morning of the 25th with my family, then the rest of the 25th with his. And then switch next year, if my family is still living here in the Pacific Northwest. And if we are. That would be quite a speedup of “The Plan,” but it’s possible.
Anyway, life is in flux. It’s in transition. And I’m doing my best to ride it out. I’ve got a lot of help.